A Valentine’s day message for the men of Tinder: Your first date is not a therapy session

Some see it as a candle-lit restaurant as an opportunity to discover all the wonderful things on their first date. Others see it as a chance to unload their personal baggage. Courtneigh Summerrise, a gallery assistant in Manhattan, said that a man, once opened the conversation on his first date with, “Next week, I meet my father who abandoned me.” It should have surprised her, but it didn’t. It has been used for the men to unload their problems before they even ordered their food. Other men have used the dates to describe the problems of the family, the past, relationship issues and traumatic events. She is not alone. Talia Goldstein, ceo and founder match-making service Three Days, says customers complain that men are increasingly using dates to share about the grievances in their lives, divorce and illness in the family, financial constraints and other problems. She said that the problem has become a very common trend. “Women seem to be comfortable to share their feelings with friends and seek help in different capacities, but we have found that men often inadvertently use dates to vent and air their dirty laundry — if they are interested in the person they are sitting in the front seat or not,” says Goldstein. Bea (not her real name), 24 years old, who works in a non-profit in the City of New York, has had similar problems. On one occasion, she even sent a text message to a man who seemed to be troubled on their first date that she was concerned about his well-being. The weirdest part of all: he said that He had an amazing time. “The emotional work to absorb the trauma of a stranger is not my job, and also what I try to do in my love life.”

the Heterosexual men have fewer close friends than women, The average cost of treatment ranges from $ 75-150 an hour and $ 200 to $ 300 per hour in metropolitan areas like New York city. The average of the first date costs$ 90, according to a survey of the Cashlorette. Because you get wine and food on a date, it can appear to be a good deal compared to sitting in a therapist’s office, where generally the only benefits are free of tissue. One, in Florida, the journalist who wanted to remain anonymous said that the date has recently revealed that he was very sad to know that his ex-wife was pregnant with a new husband. “Sometimes I wonder if men, who are not really encouraged to discuss their feelings with each other, the end to spill a bunch of stuff for women just because they need someone to hear it,” she said. Heterosexual men share relatively close ties with one another compared to women: surveys show that they have smaller social networks overall, and rarely share intimate feelings. While the women of the socialization relies much more on verbal communication, men tend to express the friendship through activities such as sports, according to a 2015 study published in the scientific journal PLOS One. Too much sharing too much kills the romance When a man dumps his trouble on the first date, the Bea says it kills the romance. “You’re sitting there listening because you are trying to be nice on a first date,” Bea said, “but at the end you hear way more than you want to hear about their personal problems, to the point where it is impossible to think of them romantically.” Some men may need to seek the support of a professional before embarking on a time of stress litany of dates. It doesn’t help that the alcohol is very prevalent on first dates. “Of course, men tend to see women as sources of emotional support, but everyone could use someone to talk to and a professional to help sort out the problems in a productive way,” said New York City reporter Danielle Tcholakian, who is now in a relationship now. Chelsea Reynolds, Ph. D., an assistant professor of communication at Cal State Fullerton researcher who has been studying sexuality and media, said that it is possible that the men are not using the date of free therapy, but are simply sharing their feelings, because it is shown that the increase of intimacy. A 2015 study in which strangers were invited to ask and respond to 36 open-ended questions in a laboratory led to accelerated intimacy. “It is more likely that they are more to share, because they know that it is a surefire way to seduce a romantic interest,” she said. “A business date could up the ante from ho-hum Amadou chit-chat to deep talks in real life, because he knows that it is more likely to get him a second date. Or get him laid.”

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